REALITY HURTS

k

This is just a random question that I’ve been trying to answer for the past few days.

How can you unloved the person who basically unloved you? Like, you know you gave him everything yet it’s not enough, you poured all the love yet he chose to leave and the worst thing, you chose to make him happy and he chose to make you cry.

How can you tell your daughter that her dad is falling in love with another and we can’t be together? You know, the feeling that she really wants to see me and his dad cuddling, kissing and laughing together. Whenever I try to tell her, she would just get mad and said I’m a liar!

How can you move on when the person you want to stop seeing is the person you see everyday? You keep on asking for a miracle that one day, hoping that you’ll be a family again. But reality hurts, he’s gone. He’ll never come back.

I wish

A photo by Priscilla Westra. unsplash.com/photos/5LzlDVR3QpA

I am not her, and I will never be her.

I envy her position in your life.

I envy how you treat her.

I envy how she makes you smile.

I envy the happiness you’re feeling when you’re with her.

Oh, God! I envy her so much!

I wish to be in her position.

I wish you can treat me like how you treat her.

You told me you love me, but how could you  treat her right and treat me like I only exist when you needed me.

I wish I could make you smile like the way she’s doing. It’s way natural, pure of love indeed, I can see it through your eyes.

I wish the happiness you feel when you’re with her, is more than of it when you’re with me.

I wish to God!

I wish I was the first one you’ve met, and maybe, maybe, her position in your life now, is purely mine. 

Three years

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Alam ko darating  din talaga ang araw na ito na kung saan mapapagod ako’t isusuko ka na lang. Napagod na ako magtiis eh. Napagod na ako magpakatanga. Napagod na ako mag-antay na magbabago ka pa. But then thank you, because of this, I came to know God more and more. Yung nga lang, I chose to stop and love myself first more.

Alam ko naman na minahal mo ako, pero hindi nga lang tulad ng pagmahahal mo sakanya. Ano ba naman panama ko sa 10 years, diba? I know where I should belong kahit pa ako naman talaga yung current girlfriend mo. Oh God! Pumayag ako na ako ang itago mo sa publico kapalit ng pag-iistay mo. I know it’s stupid but I wasn’t prepared that time, I wasn’t strong that time to let you go. I don’t even know how I am going to handle everything kasi feeling ko, konti na lang magbre-breakdown na talaga ako.

Everything is complicated and messed up that time. I kept to my friends and family and had to solved on my own, si God lang yung kinakapitan ko that time. Ang hirap nun, pero nakakaya ko dahil kay God. We continued our relationship but I know medyo nagbago ka na. Masakit pero tiniis ko, just.to.be.with.you.

And now, I’m finally ready to let go, I just have to let it out all the pain and start again. I can’t start if I’m not going to let it all out. And yes, of course, I also have to forgive you and myself especially. 

I have no regrets. Yes, it is true! But there’s inside me saying, “Sana kung noong una ko pa nalaman ang tungkol sakanya, ‘di ako magdadalawang isip na pumasok pa sa buhay mo.” Pero alam ko everything has a reason and God has a plan, better plan.

I will never forget how you rejected me,and chose her over me. Yung kung paano mo ako iwan sa ere kasama ng napakadami kong tanong. Still, I wish you both happiness and forever. I will be happy in God’s time. 🙂

Love, K!

Why hold on? :)

Why hold on if you know you deserve better than what you’re going through right now.

 

Tayo kasi minsan mga babae hangga’t kaya pa natin magtiis, umintindi at umunawa sa kanilang pagkakamali’t pagkukulang ginagawa natin kahit pa minsan eh, tayo na ‘tong pinaka nasasaktan sa nangyayari, wala eh, mahal natin sila kaya nakakaya natin ang lahat para lang sakanila.

Pero bakit nga ba ganoon? Bakit nila tayo sinasaktan kung mahal nila tayo? Bakit kailangan natin magdusa sa sakit kung pwede naman nila tayo pasayahin, alagaan at mahalin ng tama? Bakit ganoon? Kulang pa ba yung mga ginagawa’t binibigay natin?

 

Those are the questions of some women.

 

Alam mo ate, may kasalanan din tayo eh. Bakit? Ano? Yung kasalanan natin ay tinolerate natin sila sa ginagawa nila saatin, ipinaramdam natin sakanila na kahit anong gawin nila kayang-kaya pa rin natin silang patawarin, alam nila na lagi tayo andyan para sakanila at alam nila na mahal na mahal natin sila. Yuuuun! Yun ang pagkakamali natin. Kaya nga dapat sa isang relasyon hindi yung isa lang ang give ng give dapat balanse, dapat pantay. Kasi kung puro ka lang give ng give, sa oras na iiwan ka niya, I assure you para na rin dala niya ang buong ikaw dahil sa sobrang sakit.

 

Kaya nga,if ever ganito ang ginagawa sa inyo huwag na kayo magpaka martyr pa. Walang mapupuntahan ang ganyan na relasyon, I mean puro pasakit lang yan. Papasayahin ka nga siguro pero panandalian lang. Never put on your mind na “HINDI KO KAYA ANG WALA SIYA!” Never! Never! Naniniwala ako sa mahirap magmove-on pero hindi yung hindi mo kaya.

Moving on is a long process. But it depends on how determine you are to move on with your life and start a new life. Holding on to someone can never make you truely happy. You are beautiful in your own ways, you are God’s masterpiece, you deserve to be happy because we are only given one life and you have to make the most out of it!

 

K.

Tips on how to move on

Here’s a tips on how to move on:

(Para sa mga nahihirapan masyado!😂)

Bakit nga ba nahihirapan ka sa pag move-on? Ano ba yung madalas na dahilan kung bakit kumakapit ka pa rin? Ano pa yung pinanghahawakan mo? Hindi mo ba minsan naisip na bitawan na lang at magsimula ng bagong buhay? Alam ko mahirap pero sabi nga nila, “Hindi ka iiwan ng taong mahal mo, kung tunay ka niyang mahal.”

Sana makatulong ‘to! 🙂

  1. Ilabas mo lahat-lahat. Habang andyan pa yung sakit na nararamdaman mo, kausapin mo siya. Put a closure on it. Wag mong hayaan iwan ka niyang hanging. Kasi ikaw lang talaga ang mahihirapan niyan. Yung feeling na uhaw ka pa rin sakanya o yung feeling na nagtatanong ka pa rin sa sarili mo o sa mga kaibigan mo kung saan ka nagkamali o yung nagkaka midnight thoughts ka. Mahirap yung ganoon e. Basta kailangan may closure agad kayo sa isa’t isa.
  2.  1 to 3 months in pain, okay lang yan. Kung ang breakfast, lunch & dinner mo ay luha, okay lang yan. First thought mo siya sa umaga at last thought sa gabi, okay lang yan. Basta iiyak at ilabas mo lang talaga lahat. Ikaw mismo magsasawa ka din. Ikaw mismo mapapagod ka din.  Kung para sa akin nga e, 3 months is too longer for embracing the pain. 3 weeks lang okay na. Basta dapat lang talaga dyan is may determinasyon ka at pursigido ka.
  3. Make a list-to-do. Promise! Malaking help ‘to! Like kung ano gusto mo baguhin at gawin. Syempre ang pagbabago will always starts within your self. Isali mo sa list mo ang pagbabago ng itsura, like new hair style, new hobbies and etc.
  4. Go out with your friends. Enjoyin’ mo ng sila ang kasama. Syempre iwasan niyo muna itopic ang about sa lovelife mo kung alam mo sa sarili mo hindi mo pa kaya pag-usapan ito. There’s always a time for that.
  5. Go out alone. This! Start mo sanayin ang sarili mo sa mga bagay na ganito. Yung pupunta ka sa mall ng mag-isa, kakain ng mag-isa, etc..
  6. Kung nasimulan mo ng gawin ang mga nabanggit sa taas, then if alam mo sa sarili mo kaya mo ng wala siya then puntahan mo ang mga places na pinupuntahan niyo together dati. This is to test you. 🙂 If may pain pa, don’t force.
  7. If nagagawa mo na lahat at nasanay ka na ng wala siya, it’s time to congratulate yourself. Basta you can truly feel na happy ka na.
  8. Most important, never mong kalimutan to pray to God na iheal ka. Just pray na, sana mawala yung pain. Trust me! Mararamdaman mo yung presence ni God basta sincere ka lang, faithful sa kanya at may trust. 🙂 Let God write your love story again. 🙂 Ipaubaya mo kay God ang lahat. 🙂 Everything will be worth it. 🙂

 

Lagi lang natin tatandaan na nasa atin na yung desisiyon kung gusto natin patagalin ang paghihirap o kung gusto na natin tapusin at wakasan lahat ng paghihirap natin.

For me, hindi mahirap. Kung talagang porsigido’t determinado ka. Talagang hindi mahirap. 🙂

Wake up and grow up!

Good night! 🙂

 

P.S: Change your phone number. Unfriend him/her. Don’t blocked. Okay na yung nakikita niya ang mga changes sayo. Basta wag ka lang pumunta sa timeline niya o magstalk. Mahihirapan kang magmove-on niyan!